August 19, 2010 · 8:30 am

Burrito therapy

Yesterday was fun, reading everyone’s comments about the flavors of yore. Thanks for playing along.

I also appreciated the well wishes—online and off—for my sinus infection. I have to say, it’s been quite a miserable week. You’ve convinced me; I’ll try a Neti Pot.

I hadn’t mentioned that my son has been visiting for a few days this week. He too had a sinus and ear infection so, when he arrived, he was feeling as punk as I. We’ve been quite the pair, lying around listlessly, coughing and sniffling. I didn’t cook a single meal for him and we didn’t do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.

Yesterday, after two days of bland food and forced liquids, he knew what we both needed—Chipotle burritos.

There is no Chipotle within 90 miles of where he lives. We have 19 within a 10-mile radius; 20 when the new one opens in our little town this fall. Chipotle is about his favorite food. So when he’s visiting, he’s there, at least once.

I, on the other hand, never go unless I am with him. I like their food very much, but I find the ordering process a little intimidating. The menu is composed of inside terms and the line moves quickly. The people behind the counter are nice and efficient, but I still feel like a Soup Nazi customer as I bumble my way through all the choices when everyone else seems to have the process down to a science. For this reason, I order the one combo I’ve memorized – the Barbacoa Burrito Bowl, black beans, no rice, corn, lettuce and sour cream. I pass on the salsa because the descriptions are confusing and I am too timid to ask for help. It’s a little like ordering at Starbucks, where I need a glossary.

So usually, my son orders for me. Yesterday he brought back what he thought we needed for what ailed us. Plus a side of the world’s best guacamole and freshly made chips for good measure. He was dead on. Best of all, he saved me a great deal of anxiety.

The Chipotle website is tons of fun, I could hang out there all day. Bravo to their marketing team. It’s a great company with terrific food; there’s even an online order option. I just prefer not to venture into the restaurant alone.

Now on to buy a Neti Pot. Again with the choices.

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August 18, 2010 · 8:21 am

Feelin’ frutti

If I know one thing about my readers, it’s that they like walking down Memory Lane now and then. After two days of preaching about punctuation, let’s take a walk, shall we?

I’ve been sick for about a week with a debilitating sinus infection. If you’ve ever had one, you know it can cripple your brain and cloud your thinking. In fact, I think this one has cut off some neural pathways altogether and opened up some that have been dormant for decades.

Out of the blue yesterday, while struggling to remember something important, I remembered Funny Face instant flavored drink mix.

Who remembers Funny Face? To put in perspective how long ago it was on the market, the label brags about the drink being free of Cyclamate, an artificial sweetener that was banned around 1970 for causing cancer in rats. I recall at the time, imagining a rat drinking Funny Face through a tiny straw.

The makers of Funny Face were ahead of their time in giving the various flavors way-out names. In fact, some were later changed, likely for their political incorrectness. My friends and I assigned flavors to each other. Sadly, I was Freckle Face Strawberry. I guess that was better than Goofy Grape or Loud-Mouth Lime. Other flavors included Lefty Lemonade, Rootin’ Tootin’ Raspberry, Chinese Cherry (later renamed Choo-Choo Cherry), Injun Orange (later renamed Jolly Olly Orange), Captain Black Cherry, Rah! Rah! Root Beer, Pistol Pink Lemonade (huh?), Rudy Tutti Frutti and With-It Watermelon.

Just remembering the carefree days of Funny Face relieved my sinus pressure, at least temporarily.

Another flavor I crave from my childhood is Maypo hot cereal. I think they brought it back once, but I’m not sure it’s available any longer. As crummy as I feel today, I might just cry, “I want my Maypo!”

What flavors from your childhood would you give your eye teeth to taste just once more?

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August 17, 2010 · 8:26 am

City State Zip

The pledge I made recently to type one space rather than two following a period prompted several questions from readers. For example, they asked, if only one space is typed after a period, then what about the double space that has traditionally appeared after a colon or between a state abbreviation and zip code within an address?

As best I can tell, modern convention now dictates that only one space be used following a colon as well. Oh, great, another bad habit I need to break. Or, more positively, another good habit I need to form.

On the zip code question, however, my research opened up a small can of worms.

The U.S. Postal Service has come out with prescriptive standards for addressing envelopes, dictating that the full address appear in all caps, that there be no punctuation at all and that two spaces appear between state and zip code. So, there is your answer: two spaces between state and zip. Follow these guidelines as you wish, but I am more concerned with proper spelling and punctuation in writing than in envelope addressing.

But while we are on the subject of states, there is a rule I’d like to point out to those who may not be fully aware.

Many years ago, the Postal Service gave us two-letter, all-cap state abbreviations to ease in the sorting of mail. Unfortunately, these have spilled out of the post office and into the real world.

According to most style books, two-letter, all-cap, no-period postal abbreviations are just that—postal. They are used on envelopes and in the address blocks of letters. They may also be used in address lists, but are not to be used in text.

In text, names of the 50 United States should be spelled out when they stand alone; essentially, when they are mentioned without cities, as in “Virginia is for lovers” or “Maryland is for crabs.”  

When it is necessary to abbreviate a state, such as in a dateline or when noting the party and state of an elected official, traditional abbreviations are used. These are written in caps and lower case and followed by periods as follows:

Ala., Ariz., Ark., Calif., Colo., Conn., Del., Fla., Ga., Ill., Ind., Kan., Ky., La., Md., Mass., Mich., Minn., Miss., Mo., Mont., Neb., Nev., N.H., N.J., N.M., N.Y., N.C., N.D., Okla., Ore., Pa., R.I., S.C., S.D., Tenn., Vt., Va., Wash., W.Va., Wis., Wyo.

Eight states are always spelled out: Alaska, Hawaii, Idaho, Iowa, Maine, Ohio, Texas and Utah.

In summary, on the envelope, postal abbreviations (two-letter, all-caps, no period) are used. In plain text and standing alone, state names are spelled out. In datelines, party-state affiliations and isolated instances where abbreviation is necessary, traditional state abbreviations are used.

If this is news to you and you are interested in getting it right in the future, I suggest you do what I did years ago, print out the list of state abbreviations and tack it on to your bulletin board. Or perhaps file it away on your computer for easy reference.

Sorry if you think I’m being crabby about this; I’m just the messenger–from Maryland.

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August 16, 2010 · 8:07 am

Holy @#$%*!

I thought today we would give a shout out to some of our friends on the second row of the computer keyboard.

Symbols seem to be used more and more, as we abbreviate in our instant messaging. Please allow me to indulge in a little review of symbols and how they are used—and often, misused–in writing.

!  The exclamation point is especially effective in writing dialogue—as in “Holy backslash, Batman!” Unfortunately, the exclamation point has become overused in most other types of writing, including e-mail; in fact, placing one in the subject line can land an e-mail in the recipient’s spam folder. Exclamation points are generally inappropriate in plain text and especially in business correspondence. If the sender is emotional enough to type an exclamation point, he or she would be wise to calm down before submitting anything. 

@  Today we use the “at” sign most commonly in e-mail addresses. Before the Internet, though, it was created as a symbol for “at the rate of,” such as 10 apples @ 10 cents each = $1.  The “at” symbol is permissible in instant messaging, but please don’t ask “where R U @?”

$  The dollar sign is used in tables and in text preceding a dollar value. In text, there is no need to also type the word “dollar” if you have used the symbol. It’s either/or.  For example, “if I had $1 million” or “if I had a million dollars.”

&  Use of the ampersand (please, it’s not “ampersign”) bears some attention here, as it has gotten out of control. The ampersand is commonly reserved for one purpose:  when it is part of a company’s formal name, such as Procter & Gamble or Barnes & Noble. Style authorities point out that ampersands may sometimes be used in citations, typically, bibliographies or statute citations. Occasionally we’ll see one in a movie or magazine title or product name (e.g., Kraft Macaroni & Cheese). Just remember – the ampersand should never be used in lieu of “and,” especially in a sentence, or even in bullet points. It might seem an easy way to save space but your readers will think it looks cheesy. Because it is.

%  Another symbol run wild is the percent (one word) sign. The percent symbol is only used in tables, not in text. If you are writing and using the word “percent,” use the word “percent.” The same goes for “greater than” and “less than,” whose symbols are also reserved for mathematical notation. As with practically everything in English, there are exceptions. For example, the percent symbol is sometimes permitted in certain scientific text. The American Medical Association Manual of Style permits either the word or the symbol, noting that, in the composition of a drug, the symbol is used: “containing 0.42% hydroxyethylcellulose and 1.67% povidone.” 

*  In my mind, the most important point is this: asterisk is pronounced just like it looks, as-ter-isk, not asterick or astrick. If this is hard for you, take it apart – the last syllable is risk. Just remember, if you use an asterisk to refer to something, it must have a mate somewhere on the page—typically at the bottom—or in the section. The symbol is also a star, as in, “press star on your telephone keypad.”

Incidentally, while we are talking about pressing star, isn’t it about time we stop instructing callers to “dial” zero for assistance? If anyone is indeed dialing anymore, dialing star probably won’t to do anything except maybe break a nail.

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August 14, 2010 · 8:30 am

Joint marketing

Since the beginning of this blog, I have wanted to tap into the intelligence and creativity of my readers by way of a contest. I just couldn’t think of the right topic. Until now.

I don’t want to get in trouble with the Federal Trade Commission or any other authority so I’ll be keeping the terms vague until I have a winner. The prize will be a surprise.

Here’s what got me thinking. A blog associated with Fast Company magazine recently ran a post entitled “Don’t Bogart That Name:  Medical Marijuana Trademarks,” which speculates about how companies hypothetically gaining approval to sell marijuana products would brand and market them. The speculation is based on the outcome of California’s Proposition 19 (“Regulate, Control and Tax Cannabis Act of 2010”), to be put before voters this fall.

We know that product marketing is largely about branding. No doubt, lots of smart, clever people are already hard at work coming up with catchy brand names that will prompt Americans to ask their doctors about marijuana, should laws become relaxed. But we also know from the billions of dollars spent on drug advertising each year, it’s also all about product disclosure.

There is currently one branded cannabis-based drug on the market today, Marinol, that is approved for medicinal purposes, as medical marijuana has already been approved in several states.

The U.S. government and the makers of Marinol caution patients that the drug could cause, among other side effects: red eyes, weakness, sleepiness, elevated mood, sudden warm feeling, memory loss, anxiety, confusion, dizziness, unsteady walking, strange or unusual thoughts or “feeling like you are outside of your body.”

Here’s the contest.

Pretend Proposition 19 has been approved, regulations are in place for general use of marijuana and no judicial challenges are pending.

You are heading up the brand team for a company planning to get in on the action. What would be your 1. brand name, 2. tag line and 3. side effect disclosure statement?

Here’s an example to get you thinking.  “Cannibrex, the twice-daily treatment for excessive motivation. Caution:  Cannibrex can cause dry mouth, severe procrastination, uncontrollable laughter, lost train of thought or fear of the telephone. Tell your doctor if you have eaten a whole cherry pie, bag of semisweet chocolate chips, sleeve of stale saltine crackers or have considered dipping into the box of baking soda in your empty refrigerator.”

Please submit your entries via the Comments section by Wednesday, August 18th. Winner(s) will be announced later in the week.

Please remember Word Nymph doesn’t post on Sundays. She’ll be mulling prize ideas.

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August 13, 2010 · 8:55 am

Disastrous dialect

Something has been bothering me and I wonder if I might run it by you.

Has anyone else noticed that people who are interviewed on television after witnessing a disaster or other extraordinary occurrence often use horrendous grammar?

I don’t know if it’s television news media exploiting innocent bystanders, whether disasters tend to occur more often in places inhabited by the less educated or if the combination of trauma and a news camera causes people to bungle their speech.

It seems to me that, far more often than not, when asked what they saw, these witnesses begin with “I seen it…”  Whether it’s a tornado coming at them or a crime taking place before their eyes, they say they “seen it comin’.” 

I have noticed this consistently over time, on local stations, major morning programs and network evening news. It pains me to be so judgmental but the pattern is too prevalent to ignore.

You might have heard that yesterday severe storms hit the Washington, D.C., area, crippling much of the Metro region with fallen trees and power lines. As one of the fortunate few who had electricity, I was able to watch the news coverage on television. I heard “I seen it” from multiple witnesses on multiple channels throughout the day.

Not only do these witnesses say they “seen” something, but some also use “come” as past tense, as in, “it come up behind me.”

One doesn’t have to travel far to find pockets of people who either never learned the basics or have chosen to abandon them. It troubles me enough that I find such poor speech distasteful, but it troubles me even more to see the spotlight on people who speak this way. I can’t quite pinpoint why.

Please don’t dismiss “I seen it” and “it come up” as colloquial because frankly, I’m tired of colloquialism being used to condone poor grammar. Admittedly, I am the first to begin a sentence with a conjunction or end one with a preposition when style authorities allow it in certain instances. It’s a fine line but, if we accept “where are you at?” before long every violation of good grammar will be embraced in the name of popular culture. 

If any members of the media happen to read this, perhaps they’d be willing to offer insight into why the witnesses they interview so often seem to speak this way. Perhaps they could also explain why, when people appear in the studio after seeing someone fall into a well or take a steak knife through the temple, they almost always appear in t-shirts and ball caps. If you were being interviewed on national television, from a studio in Midtown Manhattan, would you show up in shorts and a cap? Do producers believe this lends some particular folksy charm and, if so, are they intentionally making witnesses look like bumpkins? Worse, are they coaching people to say “I seen it?” 

I doubt this is the case. Either way, if anyone has answers, I am eager to put these haunting thoughts to rest.

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August 12, 2010 · 8:38 am

A box of sunshine

I am emitting an afterglow from one of life’s rare and simple pleasures – a good mail day.

We all have days when we dread taking in the mail because we know we’ll find nothing but bills, useless coupons or maybe a notice from the good people at the county traffic enforcement office, with a picture of our car enclosed. Or maybe we are awaiting news about  a job or a college application. Just approaching the mailbox can be anxiety producing.

My son wisely observed at a young age that any letter containing the word “however” is bad news: Thank you for interviewing for a position at Any Company. Your skills and experience are impressive.  However, . . ., usually followed by what might as well say, we think you are a big loser and insist that you never inconvenience us again with your pathetic excuse for a résumé.

We’ve talked about the decline in personal communication but, in my view, among the things that have suffered most are of the smile-producing variety–the personal letter, the hand-addressed greeting card and the thank you note.

While the three almost never come simultaneously, it’s a treat when at least there are no bills, no threats, no coupons for electrolysis or basement waterproofing and no glad tidings from any government entity because, let’s face it, except for a tax refund, those are seldom welcome. 

Yesterday our mailbox was graced by a little happiness.

Not only was there a friend’s thoughtful, handwritten–and hand-made–thank-you note for a gift given just two days before, but a Bed Bath & Beyond coupon from another friend who knows it’s my favorite. The pièce de résistance:  a letter to our son from the property management company for the college apartment he and his friend occupied for two years (ages 19 to 21). I braced myself for a nasty-gram accompanied by a hefty bill for damages, most likely caused by poor aim at a dart board, an illegal cat or worse. Instead, the letter said, “It is with great pleasure that we enclose a check in the amount of your full security deposit. The apartment was left in very good condition and you did a nice job of cleaning it. We thank you for taking such good care of the apartment and making sure that it was clean when you vacated.” 

I am a proud mother who had a good mail day. Can you feel the glow?

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August 11, 2010 · 8:17 am

Plane folks

Do you think airlines intentionally seat well-known people beside people who don’t know them? Sometimes I wonder.

I don’t think this is the case with politicians. I’ve been seated beside former Secretary of State Alexander Haig, former Ohio Senator Howard Metzenbaum and current Texas Congressman Lamar Smith and I knew them all. There’ve been more, but these are the ones who made memorable impressions.

Many years ago, I was making chitchat with my neighbor on a flight from Dallas to Washington. We exchanged pleasantries and I asked what took him to Washington.

“I have some interviews,” he said.

I asked, “Job interviews?”

“Press interviews.” He went on, “I wrote a book.”

“Oh, what’s it called”?

“Run, Bullet, Run.”

“What’s it about?”

‘It’s about football.”

When I got home I told my husband I met a man, and something about a football book, bullet something.

My husband gasped. “You met Bullet Bob Hayes?” Only a two-time Olympic Gold medalist, Super Bowl winner and once considered the fastest human being on the planet.

By the way, I still don’t know what hockey legend I met in an airport in April.

Now that I’m a more seasoned traveler, I rarely take airplane conversations past the hello half-smile as I am squeezing into the seat and reaching under my neighbor’s cheek for my seatbelt.

Yesterday I walked into it again. Just a little.

About midway into the flight, after she and I rolled our eyes at each other over some boisterous passengers behind us, my neighbor thanked me for having been quiet during the ride.

We started talking, I asked what took her to the cities she was visiting and she said she was a musician.

Later in the conversation (which she probably regretted starting), I mentioned I wrote a blog. She asked the usual, what do you write about, I said language and life, and then somewhere in there I said I enjoyed writing about song lyrics.

She said she enjoys writing song lyrics and she shared how she approaches putting her lyrics with the music she writes. She shared with me some of her language peeves and gave me some ideas for future blog posts.

She was lovely and I can’t remember when I’ve enjoyed a plane chat more. I hope she felt the same.

She gave me the name of her group and I gave her the name of my blog.

You may have noticed Word Nymph typically doesn’t mention people by name. I will say I had never heard of my neighbor and chances are you haven’t either. Maybe one day we all will. Perhaps she’ll read my blog and introduce herself by way of a comment.

Granted, in my opening I mentioned four people by name. That’s all right because they’re famous and three of them are dead.  Now if they comment…

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August 10, 2010 · 7:23 am

Red Carpet Barn

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever achieve such fame as to be asked, “Who are you wearing?”

This piece is not about who versus whom and surprise, I’m not even going to take issue (today anyway) with the grammatical incorrectness of the red carpet question:  Who are you wearing?

Normally I am working in my home office with no one to notice me but two tuxedo cats. On these days, trust me, no one would want to know who I’m wearing. Okay, whom.

When  I suit up for clients, I do wear brand name or designer business clothing, along with respectable accessories, which I own and aren’t on loan from Harry Winston.

But today, for example?  I’m wearing a lovely pair of workout pants designed by Merona. Tomorrow I might be sitting here in something designed uniquely for me (and two million other bargain shoppers) by St. John’s Bay. No, sadly, not St. John’s Knit. St. John’s Bay. Or perhaps something from the Jaclyn Smith collection.

If you recognize these brands, then now you know the raw truth about where I shop, and why Joan Rivers or Maria Menounos won’t be stopping me anytime soon to ask me about, well, anything.

The primetime Emmys are coming up later in the month. It’s fun to see all the designer dresses and jewelry and imagine this year I am walking the red carpet right alongside John Krasinski or Jim Parsons. I hope that one day, maybe at the International Syntax Awards, a reporter will ask me, “Ms. Nymph, whom are you wearing?”

I fantasize that someday my husband and I will be rich and famous. We will be getting ready for the limo to pick us up for the premiere or awards ceremony. He’ll emerge from the bedroom, dressed for the event, I will look at him as a wife looks at her husband and ask, “is that who you’re wearing?”

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August 9, 2010 · 7:50 am

H’lo? H’lo?

Everybody’s talking. They’re saying that nobody’s talking.

In the past week, there’s been some news and commentary about shifts in the ways people communicate. Many are giving up their land line phones in favor of cell phones and some aren’t using their cell phones at all–for talking, anyway. 

In “The Death of the Phone Call,” published in Wired magazine, essayist Clive Thompson puts the bottom line in simple terms. Today, he says, we are in “constant, lightweight contact,” following a dramatic decline in the number of calls made from telephones—especially cell phones. Essentially, we call less but talk more, but we’re “talking” via other media—text messaging, instant messaging, social media and, to a lesser extent, e-mail.

Facebook is a prime example of this constant, lightweight contact. It allows us to know what and how our friends are doing–their successes, worries, vacation plans, and cute things their kids said. We like knowing about these things, but we might not have 30 minutes to spend on the phone hearing about it.

The topic popped up a few other places this week and made me think. If I suspect my son hasn’t read an important e-mail, I usually text him that there is a message that requires his attention. If that doesn’t work, I shoot an instant message across the bow. If that doesn’t work, he gets the dreaded phone call.

It seems, by all accounts, no one wants the call.

An article in The Washington Post yesterday dug deeper into why this is so.

People interviewed for the piece cited a few reasons they don’t reach out and touch someone. Whether or not these are really why the kids don’t call, I don’t know. But, as the caller and the callee, I get it.

The immediacy of the phone call strips the callee of control. By dialing the phone, the caller is saying, I want a block of your time right now–when it is convenient for me. In contrast, texts and e-mails can be sent at the sender’s convenience and read at the recipient’s.  

Those interviewed also said they viewed calling as impolite and intrusive, “more of an interruption than the blip of an arriving text.” Another observed that answering the phone requires a certain amount of psychological energy.

To a large extent, I agree. What disturbs me, though, is a trend that appears to go along with the new communications order. The Post article also noted that people avoiding the phone are often guilty of two sins–not returning calls and ignoring invitations.

Those of us who retreat from a ringing phone are by no means excused of our obligations to behave politely. 

I don’t care what generation we occupy, how busy our schedules are, what time zones we live in or how happy we are to receive a particular call, the rules remain clear:

If someone leaves a message, we return the call.

If someone calls inviting us to something, we R.S.V.P., even if it is by text message.

Postscript:  As it happens, my son called last night, after I was asleep, to share some good news, which he received while reading his e-mail. I welcome that call, day or night.

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