My husband’s umbilicus has a significant architectural disorder.
I just thought I’d get that out there.
The plan was to leave his health out of the blog—and all is well now—but he and I could not let a recent lab report go unlampooned.
Now that we know all is well, I can report that the first two months of the year here in Nymphland were focused on my husband’s diagnosis with a Stage 2 malignant melanoma on his left ear, for which he had surgery but for which, fortunately, no follow-up treatment was necessary.
During suture removal, a suspicious speckle was spotted inside his navel.
The good news came in by phone that this abdominal anomaly isn’t particularly worrisome, though he’ll be going in later today for a bit of surgical scraping and scooping, just to be on the safe side. Doctors warned him that his bellybutton could end up in a different place, which I’m imagining might be on his left shoulder or behind his right knee.
Yesterday we received the full pathology report of February’s “umbilicus punch biopsy,” which had my husband and me in stitches. So to speak.
You think you know a man after 29 years, then you learn he has an exaggeratedly reticulated epidermis. Furthermore, there are nests scattered in the vicinity of his periumbilical region. Where the rest of us store spare lint, he carries around a lentiginous dysplastic nevus, which “cannot be fully appreciated.”
The pathologist closed with: “Thank you for sending this most interesting case in review.”
Off I go this afternoon to take my husband downtown for his re-excision. May you have a Happy Nevus Appreciation Day.
Be honest: How many of you are checking out your own navels right now?