Category Archives: Reading

Books, magazines, newspapers

Misguided mea culpa

“We did make a slight error in judgment.” 

This was the response of Thomas Chambers, owner of Chambers Funeral Home and Crematorium in Riverdale, Md., last week, after state officials discovered 40 human bodies piled up like trash in a garage.  I’ll spare you the disturbing details.

A public apology is never easy, but “a slight error in judgment” was the best explanation Mr. Chambers could come up with?  I doubt the families of his clients, victims actually, would consider this a slight error.  I trust they were outraged not only by this egregious act but by the man’s lack of compassion, not to mention his refusal to own up to the seriousness of the offense.  As if this weren’t bad enough, he added that the company “would like to stay in business.”  Of course the facility’s license was revoked. 

This story broke just as I was reading What Were They Thinking? by Steve Adubato, a media analyst and commentator who became an expert on crisis communication following his own public blunder while serving in the New Jersey legislature. 

In the book, Adubato examines more than 20 crises involving corporations, government agencies and high-profile individuals exhibiting varying skills in facing the public with a timely and convincing response.  He highlights the strategies of those who have handled crises well and he contrasts them with examples of those who, usually for lack of a plan, handled their public crises disastrously.

Throughout my career I have counseled clients who speak in the public realm, whether they are witnesses at a congressional hearing or fielding media questions about an unpopular corporate maneuver.  Failure to prepare ahead of the crisis—using carefully chosen words that show sincere acceptance of responsibility and assurance that appropriate corrective measures are underway—can cause any financial loss to be overshadowed by the cost of an unrecoverable loss of personal or professional trust.

On a much smaller scale, I have just had another occasion to question how public apologies are crafted.

As I was preparing this blog entry, my Internet connection failed.  I called my provider who said, “I am sorry you are experiencing problems.  I show an outage in your area.”  This reminded me of the person who stops short of an apology by saying “I am sorry if your feelings were hurt.”  It offers a hollow gesture without taking any responsibility. 

An hour later, my Internet connection resumed.  Then it failed again.  I called again and got a different representative who went a bit further:  “I apologize.”  Okay, that’s better.  “But there’s not much we can do.”

I really wanted to give her some tips but resisted.  Instead, I asked her if she knew what might have caused the outage. 

She said, “No, they don’t like to tell us that.”

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Filed under All Things Wordish, Marketing/Advertising/PR, News, Reading

Malaprop Monday

You could have knocked me over with a 10-foot pole.

That’s not only a real life example, but also my reaction every time I hear a really good malapropism or mixed metaphor.  For whatever reason, my life’s path has been graced by many a modern day Mrs. Malaprop who, God love her, utters well-intentioned phrases with a twisted tongue.  

We know Mrs. Malaprop as the 18th century character in Richard Brinsley Sheridan’s play, The Rivals, who personified the habit of inadvertently swapping a word for one with a similar sound, rendering the phrase nonsensical or, more often, really funny.

Everyone knows a Mrs. (or Mr.) Malaprop.

I will never forget one walking into my office distraught; she said tests showed she had fiber-optic tumors.   I thought to myself, ooh, that must be painful.

The same woman once told of a colleague who gave a speech at a conference.  I think what she intended to say was that, after the speech, attendees flocked around him.  Instead, she said his speech was so successful the audience flogged him.

A top executive at that same company once reported that her business unit was making money hand over foot.

Recently, as I discussed this topic with my husband, he confessed to his own high profile slip.  In a division memo on Safety at Sea he reported that, during a shipboard mission, a well known oceanographer was hospitalized after having lost the majority of his hand in a winch (a device used to adjust the tension of a rope or cable).  What’s the malapropism, you ask?  My husband reported that Dr. Smith lost his hand in a wench.

Malapropisms are also associated with mixed metaphors and nothing titillates a word nymph more than a good mixed metaphor.

I once heard “Don’t burn your bridges before they’re hatched” while trying desperately not to picture a bridge being hatched.  Talk about painful.

If you have a favorite malapropism or mixed metaphor you’d like to share, I’ll be here, holding my bated breath.

Note:  Also akin to malapropisms are mondegreens, phrases that are often misheard or misunderstood.  But let’s save those for the next time we talk about (you guessed it!) song lyrics.

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Artifact check

A few months ago I threw out a question from my Facebook:  “What is the strangest combination of foods you’ve eaten when unusually low on groceries?”  The replies were hilarious.   

So here’s another one. 

Everyone has a magazine rack or basket of reading material in at least one room of the house.  In a shared space, it might contain material of interest to multiple household members.  I recently contemplated what the one in our house might reveal about our family if it were discovered after our hypothetical demise (or, less morbidly, what a passing stranger might learn).  I challenge you to do the same.

What is in your magazine rack and what, anthropologically speaking, might it say about you or your family?

I will start the bidding off with:  a book of New York Times crossword puzzles, Lake News by Barbara Delinsky (been there for seven years with a bookmark about 75 pages from the end), two back issues of Vanity Fair, a country ham catalog, the current issue of Playboy and A 40-Day Lenten Journey with Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  You tell me.

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Filed under Family and Friends, Reading

Little old lady who?

“Deputies Kill a Fla. Grandmother Armed With Gun”

“Grandmother Defeats Home Invader”

“Slamming Granny: Grandmothers for Peace Get Hard Time”

“Australian Grandmother Fights Shark” 

These are just a few headlines from print and broadcast stories of late.  In addition, The Washington Post reported recently that “Donna M. George was a grandmother living in a gated community in Fredericksburg when she sold prescription drugs out of her kitchen — while babysitting for her three grandchildren.” 

I am not sure precisely what image the news media are trying to conjure by naming Grandmother in the headlines but I am pretty sure it’s not me or my peers. While I am not yet a grandmother, plenty of my friends in their 40s and 50s are.  If they did anything newsworthy, why would their grandmother-hood be of note? 

No, I suspect the image the media are after is the stooped over, gingham-clad lady with a gray bun atop her doddering little head.  You know, Tweety Bird’s Granny.  It’s that lady’s role in a crime or act of heroism that makes the story all the more sensational. 

I have news for headline writers.  Today’s Grandmother looks like I do.  No gingham shirt dress, no bun.  Today’s granny wears low rise jeans and a ponytail.  She listens to Christina Aguilera, pops her gum and says “I’m like” when she means “I said.”  While, admittedly, she may eat a few more prunes than she used to, she also runs marathons and goes to wine tastings.  She might even write a blog.

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Frenzied New Yorker

One of my great indulgences is The New Yorker magazine.  For anyone who savors the delicacy of the written word, The New Yorker is the crème de la crème.

I’ve never subscribed to this weekly magazine.  That would be like having a case of dark chocolate truffles delivered to your home every week.  Instead, The New Yorker always been a special treat, reserved for rare times of prolonged quietude—a coast-to-coast plane ride, a long weekend at the beach.

A few years ago, a friend who was moving out of the country transferred his subscription to me.  I never would have chosen to order this frivolous subscription but I won’t lie, I was aquiver with anticipation. 

The first issue came.  I started with the first pages and read each Going on About Town, including the off-off-off-Broadway performances.  As if I’d have the chance to pop into one.  Each day, I enjoyed a bit of the week’s issue, savoring the essays, poems and cartoons.  But it was a challenge to get through each issue before the next one arrived.  I’d see the new one come in and I’d work to finish the last.  I wouldn’t even peek at one until I’d finished the last. 

I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t appreciate the writing the way I always had because it had become a chore, a quest.  The weeks went by more and more quickly.  How could it be Monday already when I am only three-quarters finished with last week’s issue?  I was no longer savoring, I was binge reading.

Then it struck me – the image of Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz, scoring their dream job at the candy factory.  They thought it would be enjoyable, even easy.  And it was, until the conveyer belt went into high gear.  The ladies struggled to wrap the truffles as the candies raced by, eating those there wasn’t time to wrap.  Not a bad assignment, enjoying chocolates while doing the job.  Then the shift supervisor shouted, “Speed it up!”  as the candies came at them at an impossible speed.  Cheeks and blouses were bulging with the chocolates that eventually made them ill.

And so it was with The New Yorker—too much of a good thing coming way too fast.  Mercifully, the subscription expired.

The New Yorker and I have made our peace.  We still meet every now and then, usually in an airport news stand in a city far away.  It is sweet.

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Filed under All Things Wordish, Foibles and Faux Pas, Movies, Television and Radio, Reading

One away from the No Fly list

I am a fairly composed person and behave appropriately in most situations.  I demonstrate good manners and a respect for decorum and diplomacy.  Unless something makes me laugh.

I regularly make a fool of myself on airplanes, letting out squeals and snorts while watching an in-flight Mr. Bean video short, or muffling howls during a hilarious scene from a Steve Carell movie.  Recently, while reading A.A. Gill’s tongue-in-cheek review of Kentucky’s Creation Museum in Vanity Fair, I came close to being restrained by federal marshals.

There is something about an airplane that, for me, turns ordinary amusement into a full-blown uncontrollable spectacle. Perhaps it’s that people are already on edge, inconvenienced by security checkpoints and constrained by seatbelts in close quarters.  An airline cabin is a place where howling and snorting just aren’t done.

Perhaps it’s the sanctity of a quiet space that pulls the pin on my explosive laughter.  And I know it’s the same stifling sanctity that prompted Mary Richards’ painful laughing attack at Chuckles the Clown’s funeral in 1975.  It was one of television’s most memorable scenes.   A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.  Mary, I feel your pain.

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Filed under Foibles and Faux Pas, Movies, Television and Radio, Reading, Travel

Monica and Erma

In the book-turned-movie Julie and Julia, the character played by Amy Adams blogged about her pursuits to model the work of her idol, Julia Child. She shared her joys and frustrations as she plunged fearlessly into the metaphoric bouillabaisse of gourmet French cooking.  In her daily blog entries, she assessed her own success or failure to meet each challenge.

My idols are good writers.  They range from Pulitzer Prize winning authors (John Kennedy Toole) and news journalists (Helen Thomas) to skilled story tellers (Craig Dees) and clever bloggers (Carla Curtsinger of The Sticky Egg).

I especially love humor writers.  Erma Bombeck is my Julia Child.  If I were to embark on a project à la Julie and Julia, it would be terribly humbling.  I dare not even try to model Erma’s artistry.  Even so, as I look back on my 50 years, it would be tempting to wonder whether I suffered as many pitfalls and pratfalls as I did just so I could amuse my friends with stories of my own foibles.

Even though I am the child of two very funny people, one a professional humorist, my true talent lies not in producing humor but rather in passionately appreciating it.  And while this blog may be a platform for evangelizing about delicious prose, I hope you’ll also allow me to also tell an occasional personal story in homage to this dear icon.

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