Humans communicate far more boldly from behind a wall than they do face to face.
Think about it. Many are quick to brandish a middle finger when cut off in traffic. Even a certain Southern Gentleman I know does it.
What is it about being safely encased in steel and glass that gives people the freedom to flash an obscene gesture or bark an expletive at a complete stranger—even if that person has done something unintentional, such as changing lanes prematurely?
Would we flip a digit at a fellow passenger who butts in line for boarding? Would we invoke the name of one’s dear mother for colliding with our cart at the supermarket? Of course not.
We’re uninhibited with our language on the telephone when we find a customer service rep incompetent or unsympathetic. Would our words be so harsh if we were looking the person in the eye? We know the answer.
If you and I travel in the same social media sphere, then you may recently have witnessed my (very polite) outburst over the way people speak about one another online. While I’ve since made peace with a number of my offenders, this provides occasion to reinforce a simple courtesy: Never say (or mime) anything from behind a wall that you wouldn’t say to someone’s face.
Tuesday night, when the presidetial election results were announced, my Facebook feed erupted with hateful comments. I’m not talking about comments expressing sadness about the outcome or disappointment in the process. Those are understandable when something you’ve hoped for—even worked for—does not turn out your way.
I’m talking about comments describing those who voted differently. Not aimed at circumstances; aimed at people.
The predominant adjective was stupid, with a few “idiots” sprinkled in. “How can people be so stupid?” “Well, that just proves you can’t fix stupid.” “50 percent of the country just showed us that stupid is as stupid does.” “The idiots who re-elected our current president…”
Hey, that’s me you’re talking about. And, in quoting you here, I’ve done you the courtesy of correcting your grammatical and punctuation errors. Just so you don’t look … well, you know.
In all fairness, some of the bullies and their cheerleaders have simmered down. Some have even apologized. I’m grateful for that and for the opportunity to remember that we all need to put the “face” back in Facebook.
8 responses to “It’s courtesy, stupid.”
Good one! My 2-year-old granddaughter will say please and thank you–sometimes without prompting. It’s a start.
Thank you for this. I have “unfriended” many Facebook friends for such behavior over the past few months. My simple way of responding to offensive behavior. It also works with the media…
The Cook Political Report mines voting and census data and finds that “in the past decade, the most significant predictor of a county’s shift in partisan preference has not been existing partisanship, or even income. It is level of educational attainment. Democrats have gained ground in places where those with at least a bachelor’s degree comprise high shares of the electorate, and have seen their fortunes fade elsewhere.”
Of course some folks think that going to college just makes people “snobs.”
Thank you for a very well written and well timed post. As one who voted for the President’s opponent, I am embarrassed at some of the responses I was made aware of since the results of the election were announced. For them, I apologize. Let’s hope that we as a nation can come together.
I’m fairly certain that, had Facebook been beyond infancy in 2004, there would have been unkind remarks from fans of the losing party. Disappointment can bring out the worst in all of us.
Monica Welch Sent from my iPhone
An eye for an eye, right? As long as no one makes mistakes and does the same thing except on a larger level… say like on a blog???