Drill baby

Who would have thought I’d wake up today with a fat lip? Not I, but my endodontist did.

Yesterday I had a bit of dental surgery. I didn’t know it was surgery until I was being sewn up and given a set of post-surgical instructions.

I knew I was to have two root canals. And I knew one would entail entry from the gumline, or apicoectomy/periradicular surgery. I just didn’t think enough about it to build any expectation.

In 51 years, I’ve never had so much as a cavity, so dental work is alien to me. I did have a root canal 24 years ago; I remember it vaguely, with no major trauma associated. Then, eight years ago, while in Arizona, I broke off a front tooth and had it repaired by a hack in Tucson. It turns out shabby work was done to both teeth, numbers 9 and 10 or, as I affectionately call them, the gray one and the brown one. As a result, both had to be re-done.

To sum it up in numbers, I had five shots of Novocaine, two root canals during which three x-rays were taken, six stitches in my gum and, after a $500 discount, a bill of $2,125.00.

To sum it up in words would require some illustrative excerpts.

Not realizing the air conditioning had gone out in the dental office on a 100-degree day, I thought my blazing body and projectile perspiration were symptoms of an anxiety attack. The endodontist brought in a fan and apologized for the heat. I said, “Oh, good, I thought it was just me,” to which he replied, “It’s not that I don’t think you’re hot…” I took his attempt at humor as a compliment.

When the whole procedure was over, the Novocaine had gone to my head, my vision was blurred and, as Bill Cosby once observed, my face was sliding off of my skull and my bottom lip was in my lap.

After receiving my post-operative instructions and a prescription for pain pills, the doctor pronounced me free to go. I asked the nurse, “Would you please hand me my glasses,” to which the doctor replied, “You’re wearing them.”

What? You don’t know the Cosby routine? Have a listen. I finally understand what he was talking about.

By the way, did you know that, when your face is swollen, your wrinkles disappear?


Filed under Foibles and Faux Pas, Health, Movies, Television and Radio

6 responses to “Drill baby

  1. Marty

    I felt so sorry for you last night.

  2. Emily

    Love the title of this blog! I was thinking we’d be hearing about Sarah, pleasantly surprised that it was not about her, very funny blog!

  3. Katherine

    There you go again, looking for the silver lining.

    I have had more dental procedures performed than I care to remember. I’ve been told numerous times by my mother that I had my dad’s bad teeth genes (soft enamel) — BASTARD! Everytime I go to a new dentist (I keep thinking there’s one out there I’ll like), I check the box on the form for extreme anxiety in a dental chair, and every time I meet the dentist and he looks in my mouth and sees all the previous work he (or she) says “Ahhh, I see why you are anxious.” I do not understand how someone could consciously choose a career path that spends most of the time in other people’s mouths. My knuckles are turning white just thinking about it. Hope you’re feeling better today, my friend!

    • My guy kept talking about how much he likes his job. Then at $2,600 an hour, it’s nice work if you can get it. Is there an ideal body part/specialty or is that a topic for another day?

  4. Carmen

    Oh, my! As one with a “dental work-experienced mouth”, I sympathize. I felt your pain and discomfort with every word. Cosby take on novacain is the best! Hope you’re feeling better now. By the way … for that price, even if for a little while, the “botox effect” is a nice bonus! Too bad it doesn’t last longer!

  5. chris

    Projectile persperation? copyright that one kiddo!

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