The skinny on pants

Ladies and gentlemen, have you bought your skimmers yet?

For the uninitiated, as I was until yesterday, skimmers are the new pants length. Translation:  too short.

Ladies, skimmers are the spring sequel to jeggings. They’re much longer than last decade’s Capris and slightly longer than last year’s crops, but awkwardly shorter than full length pants.

Gentlemen, a fashion expert on one of the morning news programs did say recently that even men would be wearing the new length this season. I can’t wait to see how you adapt to this.

This early in the season, the new styles look utterly ridiculous. I bought three pairs.

For the benefit of readers who haven’t yet ventured into stores for their spring fashions, I thought it might be helpful to provide a little overview of this year’s pants scene, or at least my observations anyway, so you can approach the stores with a reasonable expectation.

First, the lingo. GAP is pushing something called the Broken-in Skimmer. This means intentionally wrinkled and too short. The first thing I did when I got mine home was iron the dickens out of them.

The pants-centric GAP is also featuring the Skinny Cargo, the Skinny Camo and the Skinny Twill, as well as the Pure Body Foldover Drawstring Pant and the Tapered Boyfriend Pant. (For an early Nymph musing on the boyfriend craze and other fashion nonsense, see Fashion Nonsense.)

J. Crew is pushing us to show off our ankles as well, with the Cammy Pant, the Day-tripper Pant, the Pipette Cargo Pant, the Canteen Pant, the Bistro Pant, the Café Capri and my favorite, the Broken-in Boyfriend Pant. I trust this means last year’s boyfriend is now fully broken in; translation: wrinkled.

Now allow me to desensitize you to a frightening fashion comeback, just so you aren’t visibly shocked when you walk in the store. As I feared would one day happen, Mom pants are back. Remember these?

Well, they’re alive and well at H&M, complete with the nine-inch zipper, ample front pleats and elastic waist, ready to be given a good home on your backside. What’s next, the perm?

5 Comments

Filed under All Things Wordish, Beauty and Fashion, Movies, Television and Radio

5 responses to “The skinny on pants

  1. Marty

    Time to bring back bullet bras

  2. Joyce Oliner

    Your timing is impeccable. I was in H&M this morning looking for pants. I didn’t see any skimmers, but did see a pair of pants that looked perfect–the rise was nice and high, the legs comfortably roomy–finally, a nice pair of pants. Then I saw the name of these most excellent trousers: “70s-style flairs.” No wonder I liked them so much–the 70s were the last time I was remotely fashionable.

  3. Skimmers – if they come to a store near me, I will buy a bunch of them. I am, you might say, short. These pants could possibly be just the right length for me! I can’t tell you how nice it would be to buy a pair of pants that didn’t need to be shortened by 3 or 4 inches!

    • HumorMe

      OMG! we are in the same boat! Im only 5 feet and have to tailor every single pair of pants I buy. First of all, my clothes sit in my wardrobe for months before I finally get to fixing them just so they would fit me. So annoying! And when I finally do, I don’t feel like wearing them anymore. Ugh! it’s complicated 😦

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