My husband makes no secret of the fact that he is wildly in lust with actress Natalie Portman. He quivered all the way through Black Swan. From the seat next door, I could tell he was projecting himself onto the screen with her. Never mind that he is almost old enough to be her grandfather.
Just a few days ago, he harrumphed at the fact that she’s starring in a romantic role opposite Ashton Kutcher in the upcoming No Strings Attached. His feeling is that Kutcher is no match for Portman’s talent, beauty and experience. I am pretty sure my husband won’t be rushing to see his love share a screen—or bed—with the actor he pretty much considers a goofball.
On the flip side, I am an Ashton Kutcher fan and have been since he played a goofball on That 70s Show. Never mind that I am more than old enough to be his mother. Apparently, he’s quite intelligent. He can act okay enough, is plenty handsome and, I dare say, is pretty darned appealing.
Here’s the funny thing. According to a Vanity Fair piece appearing online yesterday, my husband isn’t alone. In fact, the magazine’s Juli Weiner has a theory about why men won’t be rushing to see the No Strings Attached: Jealousy.
Remember, in Black Swan, while sizzingly sexy, Portman didn’t play opposite a male lead per se. This, I suppose, is why men may have found it easy to imagine themselves on screen beside her. Weiner posits that one reason men aren’t eager to see her upcoming movie is that “men are saddened, revolted, and tortured by jealousy at the mere thought of Portman’s paramours.”
Very well then. The movie opens January 21st. Who’s up for a girls’ (well, middle-aged ladies’) night out? The guys can stay home and weigh in on VF‘s poll, “Who Is the Person You’d Least Like to Imagine Sleeping with Natalie Portman?” (As of this posting, John Mayer’s in the lead.)
Word Nymph 
You obviously have too much time on your hands. Natalie and Ashton are not worth wasting 2 seconds of your life. Neither are most of the movies and tv programs that polute our airwaves and technical instruments nowadays. We are becoming a world of numb morons! May God help us all!
Now now…before the world passes judgment on moi, go see Natalie Portman in Closer. Then we will talk.
I love how Jonathan Franzen (author of the corrections) is one of the options in that poll.
Personally?
I don’t think John Mayer should sleep with anyone.
The person I would least like to imagine sleeping with Natalie Portman?
Anyone but her future husband and father of her child.
Then again, I once had an imaginary long term passionate affair leading to marriage with Kevin Spacey. His eyes twinkle, he has dimples, and he is brilliant. And I will love him forever.