To be discontinued

It’s getting more and more difficult to find the simple things I need in life; so many have been discontinued. I’m not sure the difference between a plot and a ploy, but it feels like one of the two has been waged against me.

It seems ridiculous, but I just went on eBay to buy barrettes. Simple barrettes, at one time the simplest ones they made. I used to buy them at the grocery store in batches because I lose them. I was down to one, and I lost it last weekend. And now I’m lost without it.

I know it sounds stupid. It’s a hair notion, not a lifeline. Still, I use one every day and only one kind meets my hair control needs, the Goody Stay Tight 3-inch Tortoise Barrette. It’s made of only two simple pieces:  one bent strip of metal and a three-inch-long faux tortoise-shell cover. That’s it. No springs, no hinges, no teeth. And no clip, claw or Scrunchie will do.

I bought my last pack in 1997. When I was down to three, I began shopping for more. Stores had stopped carrying them. As with my treasured SweeTarts, I took to making special trips, even looking in stores out of town. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you.

The same thing has happened with our china pattern, our bed linens, my lipstick shade, my wallet, the travel size of my fragrance and the whisk I use to make salad dressing. Hamburger Hamlet even had the nerve to discontinue the Special Mayonnaise they put on my favorite sandwich.

I will now wait patiently for eight barrettes to come in the mail; that’s all the seller had in her possession. We’ll see how long they last before I go must back on the hunt.

Maybe I should try the Smithsonian.

So what is the difference between a plot and a ploy? Is there one against you too?

12 Comments

Filed under Beauty and Fashion, Technology and Social Media

12 responses to “To be discontinued

  1. When I was little, I loved Yoplait custard style banana yogurt. It was probably terrible for me and full of all sorts of sugars, but it was the only yogurt my mom could get me to eat. One day, we went to the store, and it wasn’t there anymore. They had strawberry banana and chocolate banana, but no just plain banana goodness. As a youngin, it was one of my first exposures to the cruelty of life.

  2. Sheree Moyer

    Hair products! Everytime I find one that works on my limp, thin, horrible hair, one that makes it look almost normal, they take it off the market. I must be the only consumer in need!!

  3. Jo

    Oh sister, you’re singin’ my song. My bras, favorite nightgowns… and don’t even get me started on food products! The loss of Whip ‘n’Chill is a therapeutic issue for my husband.
    We ARE the demographic for the Vermont Country Store catalogue! I am now inspired to write a paean to VCS…

    • Whip-n-Chill! I haven’t thought of that in years. You gave me a good laugh, though, alas, at Rich’s expense, I’m afraid. It also caused me to free associate my way to Shake-a-Puddin’, which was nasty. I do hope that was discontinued.

  4. Jo

    … furthermore (see, you have awakened the sleeping giant) this happens so often that I think my gravestone should just say that I’VE been discontinued.

    • Marty has written my epitaph, based on my compulsive approach to food storage management. If/when I am cremated, the marker will read: “We put her in a smaller container.”

  5. I still miss full-service gas stations. I’ve told my husband he can’t die first because I don’t know how to pump my own gas.

    • Sounds like you need to move to New Jersey. Pumping it yourself is prohibited by law.

    • Jeni

      In Oregon we aren’t allowed to pump our gas. It’s more expensive, and takes forever to have someone do it, and when it’s done, the pump will always just sit for like 5 minutes before the “attendant” comes to pull it out and offer a receipt. He’s also going to want a tip. I was looking up “discontinued yoplait custard style yogurt” when I came across this article. There’s comfort knowing I am not alone with my anger with discontinued products. I want the original Clusters cereal. The three pack on amazon that I found was not the original formula. It’s now like bran flakes with extremely broken down remnants that i assume was once a cluster. Why did they even bother?

  6. julie

    ARRGGH. Can’t believe there’s others out there who also take this stuff personally! I guess misery should love company, but I just received some of the (I thought) good old stay-tight tortoise from e-bay, and almost cried when I opened them and they weren’t the same—tacky reddish color, cheap/sharp clip, and, of course, made in china. I am down to one of the real things left. Are there any more in the world? No one seems to get how depressing such a supposed little thing is.

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